Thursday 19 February 2009

Day 2

Slightly better news today, spoke to the Sally Army again and they say that as he acknowledged me until I was 8, they can help me to look for him, so I'm a bit happier with them now. I'm just waiting for the application form to come through now.

Been looking at a website www.192.com, which has details from the electoral roll and other government documents.

There's a fair few Dave Roberts' in there, and I need t6o pay £34 odd pounds to access the full details, but its a really comprehensive search engine that should provide me with at least a couple of viable candidates. Thanks to Ema for the details.

In other news I've enrolled in a L3 management course via ICS today. Its costing a bomb, but its worth it and gives me something else to do with my time and something else to work towards.

I'm not really sure what other avenues to try to be honest, I'm gonna have to have a think about what I need to do and what I can afford to do. I'm beginning to take a look at who I am, and work out why this is so important to me. I seem to keep switching between the 8 year old girl who just wants to know why daddy doesn't love her anymore and the 21 year old woman who's had to grow up living it and is more than a little pissed off about the entire situation.

At least whenever I find him, if I find him, I can thank him for my independent outlook and being able to take care of myself. Its not much of a plus point that it stems from his complete incapability to look after me, but I learned to cook, to bathe myself, and to look after myself generally while I stayed at his house. I remember that house in glorious technicolour! I do have good memories there, but the more I thought about it the more I realised all those good times were where I was left to my own devices, to play in the car he was using to build his trike, to collect berries and rhubarb from his garden (they weren't cultivated, he just had a REALLY overgrown garden!

So why is this so important to me?? I don't get it! I understand that I need to know why, but why do I need to know why? Why can't I just leave it like I have done for the last 13 years?I dunno, Maybe it will come to me someday.

3 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. My only comment is to agree with what you wrote in your profile about the term "Alternative" music. I had this discussion with my nephew just last week. The term implies that it's an altenative to something (Originally traditional Rock). Problem is, that anyonbe currently making traditional rock would no longer be classified as rock, rather "adult" "soft" "pop" or in some cases even "folk" or "country" a la Bob Seger, who was always considered pure rock but is now being played on country stations along with Jon Cougar and the Eagles. What is alternative toiday is bubblegum bullshit tomorrow, so just enjoy what you enjoy, and lose the label cuz it's all music.
    I will be touching on this subject in one of my upcoming blogs. Check it out.
    http://scholarlee-vexednation.blogspot.com

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  3. My apologies.
    I read this portion of your blog after commenting on your profile, and feel like a schmuck. You're a well-adjusted kid who didn't get what every child deserves. U know it's not your fault that he couldn't muster the balls to do what he should have, at all costs, and if you use that experience the right way, you will one day make a great mom, wife and friend. I hope you find him, if only to get some closure. Be strong, young sista!

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